just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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