There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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