Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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