Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize