careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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