I got chris browned last night
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
