She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
