i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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