I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
