why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
