dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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