He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
