Can i not drive my cunt home
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize