im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
