So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
