UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She announced her abortion via fbk
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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