With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
