i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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