Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
