Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
