You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
