I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
