I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
