My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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