Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
