They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
