Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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