Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
