So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
