Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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