so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
