Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
