theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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