At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
