Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
