Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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