Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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