My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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