Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
40s are totally the cure
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
