Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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