He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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