she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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