Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we're making bets on your personal life
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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