someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
