hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
