tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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