a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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