My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
