hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize