i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
