I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
