oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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