Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
