do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
