Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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