Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
