I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
