then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
