Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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