And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
