just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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