I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
