this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
