Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
