If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
