What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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