she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
