I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
