Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
time to smoke my breakfast
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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