And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize