My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
