would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
