4 words: hood of his car
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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