life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
