While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize