that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
