he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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