in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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