Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
