Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize