dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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