your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
