I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
