My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
