If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
