Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
