Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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