tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
