She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
