dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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