I'm so fucking centered right now
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
