today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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