i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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