And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
