I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I need water and some morals
Randomize
