The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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