i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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