My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize