i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
