Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
