I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
