I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
