he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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