i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize