I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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