Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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