I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My balls are so social today.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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