What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
